Tag archives for thinking

Subdued Saturday

By admin Published December 1, 2012

It is a subdued Saturday. Rainy and cool but not cold. We went on a walk and everything was gray and dark green and lush. I am about to finish my second book of the week. The first was Hard Time, which I devoured quickly, and now I am finally concluding a novel I started this summer but abandoned for no real reason, since I do like it, The English Monster. I also completed season two of Downton Abbey earlier this week, watching more episodes in one day than I could even keep track of. So there have been many different dramas swirling through my mind.

That must be why I’ve been thinking a little outside the box the past few days. Wondering why I don’t change things up more often. Do I really have to get online every single day? Could I not go a week without it? Why do I never wake up extra early and exercise? Why don’t I go out of town for a long weekend, just pick a place and go? Why don’t I ever hike on nature trails? Or write letters to family members I’ve lost touch with? Why do I think I cannot handle the most basic of handy tasks around the house, like putting up the shelf I stupidly leaned on and knocked down? It just seems as though life is awfully short for staying so rigidly in my comfort zone.

……………..

I wrecked the kitchen this morning, first attempting homemade pumpkin spice lattes, then scrambling eggs with roasted tomatoes, spinach, garlic, and mozzarella, and when I was still craving more, throwing the same ingredients on leftover rice noodles instead of eggs. So I’ve been slowly cleaning the kitchen, meditatively, playing India Arie videos on Youtube and pausing every few minutes to just stand and watch them because they’re so pretty. I’m alone for most of the weekend, and this is exactly what I always do when I’m alone. Putter around the house, cook and make other messes, slowly tackle chores but stop frequently to satisfy other whims, listen and sometimes dance to soulful music, watch shows I like, talk to my dog, browse the internet, eat and eat and eat some more.

Today’s breakfast.

A recent Thai-inspired curry; frozen stir-fry veggies cooked in coconut milk (with red curry paste, peanut butter, ginger and a few other odds and ends) on rice noodles.

A different curry–a remake of my recent curried chickpea/sweet potato/onion/kale soup, on “Kasmati” rice.

An effort to enjoy Greek yogurt by trying it two different ways with lots of toppings. Still not really a fan, but I have found some new ideas for making my oatmeal tastier with different combinations of fruits and nuts and especially shredded unsweetened coconut.

Posted in Cooking and Eating, Thinking and Writing Tagged: alone, cooking, eating, food, life, Saturday, thinking, weekend | Leave a comment

The Joy of Living and Dying in Peace, Chapters 1 and 2

By admin Published September 6, 2012

“When our minds are full of suspicion and ill will, we automatically feel that others think badly of us. These negative feelings color all our relations with our fellow human beings. More often than not they lead to unhappiness….The more we are affected by ill will and hatred, the unhappier we will be.”

“Whether the doctor is able to spell it out to us or not, when he advises us to rest, he means that we should be mentally relaxed and free from anxiety, in addition to avoiding physical activity. Then we will get real rest. Mental relaxation is the result of having a positive mental attitude and feelings.”

“Compassion should be cultivated toward all sentient beings….The more we cultivate a mind wishing to benefit other sentient beings, the greater will be the peace and happiness within ourselves. If we have inner peace ourselves, we will be better able to contribute to the peace and happiness of others.”

“When we talk about democracy or democratic rights, we are talking about caring for the welfare of the majority. The more we care for the welfare of the majority, the more we work for social welfare, the greater will be our own peace and happiness.”

“If you think about death, your mind will become familiar with the idea. When it actually takes place it will be less of a shock and you will be less upset. Therefore, I think it is useful to think and talk about death.”

Posted in Motivation and Inspiration, Thinking and Writing Tagged: books, Buddhism, library, reading, the Dalai Lama, thinking, wisdom | Leave a comment

Slow It Down

By admin Published May 14, 2012

High-strung. My mom has called me that more than once, and she’s right. I am an anxious, animated, high-strung person. This can lead to somewhat extreme moods and behaviors. I mean, not truly extreme, like staying up past 11pm or drinking more than two beers or driving a car alone before the age of 26, but in my own little way, extreme. Like, I’m not eating any sugar at all or I’m binging on powdered donuts. My house is a wreck or it’s sparkling clean. I go long periods of time without shopping and then splurge on $300 worth of clothes (ahem, to be fair, this past weekend’s purchases included two pairs of shoes and two bras). As soon as I complete one project, my mind is anxiously rushing ahead to the next. My unending quest in life is to find some kind of balance, but I am better at striving for perfection and then giving up completely when I fail (before trying again).

I got the damn chair that made my little heart accelerate so rapidly at first sight. To be fair, browsing shit on Craigslist does something unsettling to you; after looking at so much horrendous crap (with the occasional very expensive nice stuff thrown in) for sometimes weeks at a time, to suddenly spot a decent find at a decent price can be momentarily shocking. Like, my eyes will go big and I’ll say “ohmygod” out loud and do a double-take because I can’t believe I’ve stumbled across something that’s not absurdly ugly. My home decorating history is truly a story of snatching up the “Craigslist decent.” Honestly I don’t even know if this chair is actually cute or if my weary eyes were just thankful for a break from all the hideous shapes and patterns they’d been forced to take in. But you know that’s why I love Craigslist.

It’s raining today and I am deep cleaning after neglecting the place for weeks, ’cause that’s how I roll. Looking at these pictures, I must suppress the desire to obsess over the many details I would change(…the ugly wall sconce! the chair that still needs the cushion! the reflective poster frame! the too-small rug!). I will say that I am enjoying the open-space where some of my decluttering has been at work.

Posted in Design and Shelter, Thinking and Writing Tagged: chair, cleaning, Craigslist, high strung, house, rainy day, thinking | 2 Comments

Meta-Blogging, Rambling, And Certainly Not Proof-Reading

By admin Published March 5, 2012

I keep thinking of things I want to blog about, but then I am so busy that the moment passes, the thought fades away, and I can only assume it wasn’t such an important idea in the first place. Sometimes when I’m home alone (like right now) I realize how accustomed I’ve become to sharing every thought that crosses my mind. I talk, I tweet, I text, but sometimes, I stop myself. I suppose I can just think things to myself sometimes. (But not this time.)

A truly random assortment of images, because this is not a beautifully curated blog but something much rougher, simpler.

This weekend’s wedding (my best friend’s is two weeks away). I couldn’t stop looking down the table from my seat. So lovely. I loved that the “kids’ table” was so long and included the bride and groom.

New clothes, mostly for work. I split my time between a warehouse and an office so I use blazers to try and dress up jeans. I try to wear nice pants at least twice a week though…

Painting “trees of whimsy” (or something) at a bridal shower. Mine’s hanging up. I like it.

Go-to breakfast: A generic version of Grape Nuts cereal (it sort of tastes like gravel but the good news is it’s low in sugar), sliced almonds, fresh fruit, fat free milk, and cinnamon. Sometimes I do oatmeal with the same toppings.

I have to admit I haven’t read much yet but the cover inspires me.

Budgeting is still big on my mind. I remember my high school economics teacher saying that people have unlimited wants and limited means. For several years I’ve tried to prove her wrong. I don’t want to have unlimited wants. But even though there are so many things I can live without, there are still so many ways I want to spend my money! Build up savings, pay off credit card, decorate/furnish my house (oh how I want a real bed), plan a vacation, and of course, shop for clothes, eat good food, go out with friends. I ain’t gonna lie; the fact that my boyfriend and I are each in a wedding this month has been pretty expensive between bridal showers, engagement parties, wedding costs. I still have to buy shoes and a gift for my best friend’s wedding, pay off the bridesmaid dress (I put down half the cost up front, now I owe the other half), and who knows what else I’ll end up spending money on the week of. Pedicure, eating out, hairdo, who knows. It’s not a complaint. I am so utterly excited for this event. It just means I have to put other wants on hold.

I will say that it’s been four weeks since I had a normal weekend. I’ve worked for the last three out of four, excluding last weekend, when I went out of town and didn’t return until Sunday night. I am absolutely salivating at the thought of two restorative days off. Like these. As my friend Ashley wrote recently, “While I wouldn’t describe myself as lazy, I would say that I do need a lot of time to sit and relax so that I can feel my best for the days when my schedule is jam-packed.” Bingo. I need good breaks to function. Outside of obligations, such as work, I need time to A) maintain my home/personal necessities – cook, clean, pay bills, provide basic care to my dog, etc.; B) be lazy – watch 30 Rock or Revenge on Hulu, lay around, read blogs, do nothing; and C) have fun – go to the beach, spend time with my boyfriend and friends, wander around town, take my dog on long walks. For four weeks, I have not had adequate time to cover all these bases.

Not surprisingly, I’m still having a hard time getting into a good routine where I keep my house clean, leave for work on time, find a way to relax, take care of my to-do list, get to bed early, etc. You know, that whole work-life balance thing that I’m the first person to ever complain about, ever. (Another friend recently wrote, “I started a new job in August and I am just now finally finding a true balance and managing to have some free time.” I have to admit it made me feel a little better.) Tonight I did a thorough kitchen-cleaning. I think I’ll try to focus on one room at a time this week. And then I really, truly, want to do a better job keeping them clean afterward.

Anyway, those are just some random thoughts that I probably did not need to transcribe here, but I did, because it’s been a while. And now I sleep.

Posted in Planning and Doing, Thinking and Writing Tagged: AFAR, blogging, budget, cereal, cost, eating, plans, routine, thinking, wedding season, weddings | Leave a comment

Songs That Have Just Come On My Pandora That Move Me

By admin Published January 28, 2012

I always get sad when I know I’m going to be alone again after spending extended time with somebody else. But then after the initial shock to my system wears off and I settle into solitude again, it’s not so bad. It can be wonderful, even. And my moods are surprisingly more consistent. I suppose it’s because, as my boyfriend recently pointed out, I am heavily influenced by external forces. My moods vary widely depending on what’s going on around me. So when I am alone and in control of my surroundings, I tend to be my most peaceful and content. As long as there is an end to the solitude in sight.

I think I like living alone. I haven’t been alone too much since moving out of my parents’ house though, to be honest. Which is why I can’t be 100% certain about my feelings on the topic. If I were single, with much more time to myself, I don’t know if I would enjoy living by myself as much as I do now. But for this moment, sitting here in my little one bedroom duplex with the lights dim, just the way I like them, the music playing just the way I want it, the TV off, the dog sleeping, I am happy.

Sometimes I experience moments too beautiful for me to ever convey to anyone else, let alone online. Other times, I fear making my life look too beautiful to others because it feels either artificial or boastful. I frankly cannot stand hearing about other people’s perfect lives. I would like to find a balance though. Do a better job capturing glimpses of true, good moments in life.

Posted in Art and Photography, Thinking and Writing Tagged: alone, music, Nightmare Before Christmas, Pandora, Sally's Song, Sia, solitude, thinking, writing, Youtube | Leave a comment

Hold On

By admin Published October 23, 2011

Some of my favorite moments in the past few days have come while riding a pink beach cruiser up and down the pedestrian friendly street that runs parallel to the beach, where I spend so much time. In those moments I feel about ninety percent happy, relaxed, liberated. My stress and anxieties give way to the carefree pastel beach houses, the whipping ocean breeze, the physical demands of the bicycle on my remarkably un-fit legs and lungs. But amidst the bliss of all these distractions, a small part of me searches desperately for the answer to: “How can I hold onto this?”

I have not yet figured out how to carry those moments with me as I go about my days, trying to get control of a life that feels very off track.

Posted in Great Outdoors, Thinking and Writing Tagged: happiness, joy, life, moments, simple pleasures, stress, thinking, zen | Leave a comment

Weightlessness

By admin Published August 21, 2011

Yesterday I floated on my back in a swimming pool only feet from the ocean. The sun shone directly overhead, rendering me nearly blind, the sound of critters (cicadas?) chirping mingled with the pleasant chatter of women on a nearby balcony, dreamy and distant to my submerged ears, a balmy breeze blew across the exposed parts of my skin, and I felt alive and peaceful. Alive, but not engaged in what I normally think of as life. Not doing anything. Just floating, being, feeling more like a life force, a soul, an essence, than an embodied person, despite my heightened sense of touch. Memories of recent stresses and sadness emerged, but I only watched them pass me by, calm and accepting, the way they tell you to let thoughts come and go during meditation or yoga. It’s good to be alive, and sometimes being alive is just about feeling the cool water, the gentle breeze, the warm sun, the weightlessness.

Snapshots from recent days:

A list of good things:
The arrival of my U.S. passport–finally–to join my Canadian one
The driver’s license I can pick up now that I have the passport
My first NFL football game, preseason or not, to coincide with my renewed sense of Americanness
New-to-me boots and lotions (and other shoes) from a neighbor who didn’t want them
Watching House Hunters International
Reading magazines
Upcoming job interview
Putting together professional and creative portfolios
Eating (and drinking) waffles, pizza, coffee, pesto, curries…
Swimming and laying out in my very own Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Posted in Motivation and Inspiration, Thinking and Writing Tagged: Americanness, calm, floating, football, life, meditation, thinking | 2 Comments

Rules to Live By: An Ongoing List for Myself

By admin Published July 29, 2011

Embrace your internal clock: You are a morning person.
Get ready for bed much earlier (so that you actually do it).
Be vulnerable: Admit to flaws, insecurities, weaknesses…
…But don’t get too comfortable with them; they can be changed.
Even if you are not religious, seek wisdom from wise texts and people.
Someday, do yoga and get massages.
Save money for experiences rather than things (when you start making money, that is).
If photographing food, or simply making it look pretty, is your greatest motivator in eating healthier, run with it.
Fudge + clementines = perfect combination.
Face what makes you anxious, break it down into pieces, but whatever you do, do not avoid it.

Posted in Motivation and Inspiration, Thinking and Writing Tagged: Rules to live by, thinking, writing | 1 Comment